Life is a forge, and we are the metal: if we are to be strong and virtuous tools we must be placed in the fire and hammered until we cannot break. Life is a loom and our journey is accomplished one thread at a time, line upon line, precept upon precept. Our life is clay on a potter's wheel and we must shape it and reshape it until it is what we want it to be.
False Paradigm III
Acting and Asking for Miracles
Another false paradigm I've fallen prey to in my life is that I shouldn't do anything unless I knew it was God's will for me. There were many times when I didn't really know if I should do something, like go on a service trip to Mexico with my friends or take a certain class, and I didn't feel God explicitly telling me to do it so I assumed it was not in His plan for me. But "he who must be commanded in all things, the same is a slothful and not a wise steward." I used to think agency meant that we chose to follow God, on leash, like a puppy, and that's how we submit our will to His. I think there are definitely times when God requires us to follow Him through the dark, not knowing where He is leading, but I also think that for the majority of our lives He wants us to work. Hard. In a way I almost wonder if my old definition of agency was just a way to avoid work altogether, to avoid making hard choices.
The examples mentioned above, of not going to Mexico or taking a class because I wasn't sure, were times when I "took no thought save it was to ask" -- and so I received no answer. Living my life that way -- never doing anything unless I was explicitly told -- ended up resulting in depression because I felt like my life wasn't going anywhere. My life was too stagnant.
A story from the Bible I have come to love is found in 1 Samuel 13:5-14, 14:6-16, 23.
And the Philistines gathered themselves together to fight with Israel, thirty thousand chariots, and six thousand horsemen, and people as the sand which is on the sea shore in multitude: and they came up, and pitched in Michmash, eastward from Beth-aven.
When the men of Israel saw that they were in a strait, (for the people were distressed,) then the people did hide themselves in caves, and in thickets, and in rocks, and in high places, and in pits. And some of the Hebrews went over Jordan to the land of Gad and Gilead. As for Saul, he was yet in Gilgal, and all the people followed him trembling.
And he tarried seven days, according to the set time that Samuel had appointed: but Samuel came not to Gilgal; and the people were scattered from him. And Saul said, Bring hither a burnt offering to me, and peace offerings. And he offered the burnt offering. And it came to pass, that as soon as he had made an end of offering the burnt offering, behold, Samuel came; and Saul went out to meet him, that he might salute him.
And Samuel said, What hast thou done? And Saul said, Because I saw that the people were scattered from me, and that thou camest not within the days appointed, and that the Philistines gathered themselves together at Michmash; Therefore said I, The Philistines will come down now upon me to Gilgal, and I have not made supplication unto the Lord: I forced myself therefore, and offered a burnt offering.
And Samuel said to Saul, Thou hast done foolishly: thou hast not kept the commandment of the Lord thy God, which he commanded thee: for now would the Lord have established thy kingdom upon Israel for ever. But now thy kingdom shall not continue: the Lord hathsought him a man after his own heart, and the Lord hath commanded him to be captain over his people, because thou hast not kept that which the Lord commanded thee. . .
And Jonathan said to the young man that bare his armour, Come, and let us go over unto the garrison of these uncircumcised: it may be that the Lord will work for us: for there is no restraint to the Lord to save by many or by few. And his armourbearer said unto him, Do all that is in thine heart: turn thee; behold, I am with thee according to thy heart.
Then said Jonathan, Behold, we will pass over unto thesemen, and we will discover ourselves unto them. If they say thus unto us, Tarry until we come to you; then we will stand still in our place, and will not go up unto them. But if they say thus, Come up unto us; then we will go up: for the Lord hath delivered them into our hand: and this shall be a sign unto us.
And both of them discovered themselves unto the garrison of the Philistines: and the Philistines said, Behold, the Hebrews come forth out of the holes where they had hid themselves. And the men of the garrison answered Jonathan and his armourbearer, and said, Come up to us, and we will shew you a thing. And Jonathan said unto his armourbearer, Come up after me: for the Lord hathdelivered them into the hand of Israel. And Jonathan climbed up upon his hands and upon his feet, and his armourbearer after him: and they fell before Jonathan; and his armourbearer slew after him.
And that first slaughter, which Jonathan and his armourbearer made, was about twenty men, within as it were an half acre of land, which a yoke of oxen might plow. And there was trembling in the host, in the field, and among all the people: the garrison, and the spoilers, they also trembled, and the earth quaked: so it was a very great trembling. And the watchmen of Saul in Gibeah of Benjamin looked; and, behold, the multitude melted away, and they went on beating down one another.
So the Lord saved Israel that day: and the battle passed over unto Beth-aven.
I love the contrast of the uses of faith and agency in these stories and the consequences that followed. Saul, who become king because of his righteousness or through the proper use of agency, in this passage loses his right to kingship through pride and lack of faith, by assuming authority he did not have, acting expressly contrary to God's commands, and unworthily and improperly performing sacred rites. His son, Jonathan, on the other hand saw the responsibility he had to protect his people from the Philistines and devised a plan, then acted in faith and God worked miracles for him. I am astounded, actually, by the amount of faith Jonathan had. It would be one thing to fight alone against a whole garrison of Philistines if God commanded you to do it, but Jonathan wasn't commanded! He didn't wait for God to tell him what he needed to do, he chose of his own accord to go alone against them, and God honored and rewarded his righteous use of agency. I wonder if this is one of the principles God was referring to when He counseled "knock and it shall be opened up to you."
Which leads me to my next thought
Storybook Lessons
I've been reading a lot lot novels lately, which is what inspired this post in the first place, and I've noticed some profound truths that helped me recognize even more clearly how much God wants us to use our own agency to act and experience life. This is what I've learned, you can't become a man without a struggle -- f you've never had to face anything hard, to defend your beliefs, to overcome your weaknesses, you have never become a man; the same for princesses -- Happily Ever After only comes after a significant struggle, if there was no struggle, frankly, we wouldn't even care about their lives or their story.
President Uchtdorf taught:
For a moment, think back about your favorite fairy tale. In that story the main character may be a princess or a peasant; she might be a mermaid or a milkmaid, a ruler or a servant. You will find one thing all have in common: they must overcome adversity. . . In stories, as in life, adversity teaches us things we cannot learn otherwise. Adversity helps to develop a depth of character that comes in no other way. Our loving Heavenly Father has set us in a world filled with challenges and trials so that we, through opposition, can learn wisdom, become stronger, and experience joy.
As the characters go on quests, adventures, journeys, or overcome their weaknesses they gain just that: character. Their souls and understanding expand and often realize upon returning home they realize that everything they knew, all the things they thought were important are suddenly so small, so many things they thought were dull become life's greatest joys, and the ugliness of the mundane becomes beautiful. We need adventures. We need journeys. We need battles to put life in it's proper perspective, to discover what life really is, to expand our souls and become more than was possible in the comfort of our bed, or our steady job. We need to Act and to Experience things. College started to do that for me, and awakened in me a desire to experience the glory of God through the world He created, to travel, to learn, to do new things.
Going to UVU was probably the first major life decision I made without feeling commanded to do it. I decided to go because I wanted to learn more, academically, socially, etc. and God blessed me for that use of my agency. For a long time previous to that decision I was determined that I was not going to go to a traditional college, so after I had attended UVU for about a semester and a half a friend asked me if I would recommend college for everyone. I told her that I unequivocally recommend experiencing things, particularly ones that are hard, throw you out of your comfort zone, and that give you culture shock.
Elder Oaks said
A desire to be led by the Lord is a strength, but it needs to be accompanied by an understanding that our Heavenly Father leaves many decisions for our personal choices. Personal decision making is one of the sources of the growth we are meant to experience in mortality. Persons who try to shift all decision making to the Lord and plead for revelation in every choice will soon find circumstances in which they pray for guidance and don’t receive it. For example, this is likely to occur in those numerous circumstances in which the choices are trivial or either choice is acceptable.
“We should study things out in our minds, using the reasoning powers our Creator has placed within us. Then we should pray for guidance and act upon it if we receive it. If we do not receive guidance, we should act upon our best judgment. Persons who persist in seeking revelatory guidance on subjects on which the Lord has not chosen to direct us may concoct an answer out of their own fantasy or bias, or they may even receive an answer through the medium of false revelation. Revelation from God is a sacred reality, but like other sacred things, it must be cherished and used properly so that a great strength does not become a disabling weakness (“Our Strengths Can Become Our Downfall,” Ensign, Oct. 1994, 13–14).
Final Conclusion
The more I talk to friends who feel like they are stuck, the more I read the experiences of others -- whether fictional or actual -- the more I've come to realize that God gave us our agency so that we can create adventures, so that we can find battles that we can fight, so that we can literally leave the comfort of our home and learn more about God by learning about His creations and what He created us to be by EXPERIENCING THINGS.
Faith is a principle of action. The more we use our agency to create adventures and experiences the more God can bless us and perform miracles in our lives. God can't steer a parked car. Ask for miracles. Of course, go to Him and get His approval for plans, but elder Scott says if the answer doesn't come, often times God is telling us He trusts our judgement, and wants us to make the choice on our own.
I used to feel guilty, like I said before, about doing things I didn't feel commanded to do, and maybe other people don't have this same struggle, and it's taken me a long time to learn that God want's me to just do things. Of course He want's me to be wise about it and there are times when He will give explicit directions, but He want's me to take responsibility for my life, to make decisions, take responsibility for the consequences they bring, and become like Him.
