1984

I wrote this a couple months ago and thought it might be worth posting.

I finished reading 1984 today. In the last forty pages or so it talked about reality, 'it only exists in your mind, nothing is really real,' in addition, it was one of those days when nothing seemed real, like I was walking through a dream (I don't know if other people ever have days like that, but I do fairly often,) and I was wondering what reality was, questioning, doubting everything; also, I was becoming very depressed-and if you know me, you know that's a big deal- about the totalitarian government, how there was absolutely no way to change it, it was "immortal," and then about America, and her future.
After I had finished reading the book we watched Elder Bednar's CES braodcast "Things As They Really Are."
As I watched I was trying, with relatively no success, to silence the part of my brain that kept saying it wasn't real- for I had been reading 1984 right before listening to the talk and I had gotten into the habit of telling myself that while I was reading to keep from getting emotionally attached and even further depressed- I kept telling myself to listen with 'blind faith', as it were, but unbidden thoughts kept coming, casting doubt into my heart, saying things like; "Your being indoctrinated," "It's not real," "You're just using double-think to make yourself believe it is," etc...
Then, just as I was on the brink of giving in to these thoughts, Elder Bednar started talking about reality, how this life, this spirit which posses my body is real, immediately all doubt and all fear, all darkness, was cast out leaving only pure, brilliant Faith. I knew at that moment that what I was hearing was truth, truth in it's purest form, that I was not just listening to some "Big Brother" figure, but an apostle that is called of God, that I couldn't be using double think because what I was hearing all corresponded with it's self and the scripture so perfectly, I did not have to simultaneously convince myself of two opposing 'facts' for it to be true. They all testified of one truth, that Jesus is the Christ.
Also, all my fears and depression about totalitarian government and America's future vanished when he said this: "This [my] generation shall establish Zion, and Zion shall reign forever."
As he spoke my heart melted, and tears flowed from my eyes, for all earthly governments shall pass away, and even if such a totalitarian government as in 1984 could be established, unconquerable by the hands of men, when Christ comes again all the wicked will be burned, Big Brother must perish, and Zion, Zion shall reign forever!