Understanding the Character of God: Leaning on His Arm and Jacob 5

March 17, 2014

So I've been noticing this week how much writing weekly missionary emails has helped me grow spiritually.  It's so neat!  like I said before writing down and sharing my thoughts about the scriptures has helped me solidify my testimony, grow in my spiritual understanding, and feel the Spirit.  But even more than that I've started looking for spiritual experiences that I can share in my daily life, which has made me actually really look forward to writing every week. (Of course not every spiritual thought or experience makes it into my emails, but it's helped me make life a more spiritual experience.)  Also, a couple months ago I was particularly depressed that all of my friends were gone, and I wouldn't be able to be friends with them in the same way for another year or two; after a while though, I realized that I had an opportunity to strengthen my friendships with those serving missions in a way that's not really possible otherwise, and be blessed for it.  This is definitely part of that. Thank you for being on a mission, and thank you for writing to me and letting me write to you! [ Editor's note: Again, not exactly thoughts about the character of God, but I thought including a plug for writing missionaries was totally appropriate :D]

I have not been as diligent in reading my scriptures this week, though, so I haven't had as many insights, but I did have one really cool experience I wanted to share.

Before one of my Mock Trials Sam pulled me aside and warned me that the coach of our opposing team the next day was jerk and not to let him get to me, along with some other stuff. I don't get scared that often, but I was kind of scared after he told me that.  I had already been feeling very self-conscious about how young I was, how little I knew, and how new I was to coaching. I felt so little. I felt so alone. In addition to that I've always hated direct conflict - 9 times out 10 I will just deffer to the other person to avoid any kind of conflict - and I'm not good at standing up for myself; but it wasn't just myself I would be needing to stand up for, it would be my team - which would mean I would have to engage in the conflict because the wronged party would be someone other than me, someone that I had a particular stewardship over - but I still didn't know if I could do it. It sounds pathetic, I know, but I was scared.  The next morning before the trial I carved out some time to read the scriptures, and as I read I saw a mental image of myself leaning on God's arm - as I was leaning not only was His arm supporting me, it was protecting me, too. Then I remember the scriptures "Cursed is he that putteth his trust in man, or maketh flesh his arm," "but for all this His arm is stretched out still," and the like. As I indulged and followed that image I felt safe.  It didn't matter anymore if I wasn't strong enough on my own to face the coach that was a jerk. It didn't matter if I was little, or inexperienced. And I wasn't alone - I had the God of all creation supporting me, and He will never leave me alone.  I realized that we are all children in God's eyes, He is our Father; and it's perfectly okay to feel, or even be inadequate, childlike, and uncertain. In fact we're supposed to become as little children, to be humble enough to recognize our need for Him, to lean on His arm, and to let Him guide us.  I felt God's love so strong, like I could feel His arm around me, and I was comforted. He will not leave us comfortless.

This experience also helped me understand in a new way the scripture that says "We have known and believed the love that God hath for us. God is love; he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in Him...There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment in it. He that feareth hath not been made perfect in love." (1 John 4:16-18. I love the whole chapter, it's one of my favorites. I had a lot of it memorize at one point.)

I love how that scripture applies to daily life, too (like walking around downtown Salt Lake.)  If you love people and recognize them as God's children there is no reason to be afraid of them - cautious in certain circumstances, but not afraid.

March 10, 2014

 I think Jacob 5 is one of my favorite chapters in the whole book of Mormon. I love it so much, I think it teaches so beautifully and clearly the tenderness of God's relationship with man.