Soulmates and Personal Revelation: or On Agency, Part the Second

Life is a forge, and we are the metal: if we are to be strong and virtuous tools we must be placed in the fire and hammered until we cannot break.  Life is a loom and our journey is accomplished one thread at a time, line upon line, precept upon precept.  Our life is clay on a potter's wheel and we must shape it and reshape it until it is what we want it to be.

False Paradigm II

Marriage and Soulmates (or the lack thereof)

I used to believe that there was one person in this world that God wanted me to marry.  I knew so many general authorities had said there is no such thing as a Soul Mate -- that every marriage isn't Saturday's-Warrior-esque -- but obviously God knew who I was going to marry and He wouldn't let me marry a jerk or anyone that wasn't perfect for me (and, really, how many people are out there that are perfect for me? Probably only one.) So it was kind of like a retrospective soulmate. All I had to do was find him, but even that would be some kind of miraculous meeting totally orchestrated by God, and God would tell me when the time was right to marry him. It's all predestined, after all.

Let me share some quotes with you from the prophets that totally shattered that paradigm like icicles being kicked off car.

First from President Kimball:

"Soul mates" are fiction and an illusion; and while every young man and young woman will seek with all diligence and prayerfulness to find a mate with whom life can be most compatible and beautiful, yet it is certain that almost any good man and any good woman can have happiness and a successful marriage if both are willing to pay the price (“Oneness in Marriage,”Ensign, Mar. 1977, 4).

And from Bruce R McConkie:

How do you choose a wife? I’ve heard a lot of young people from Brigham Young University and elsewhere say, “I’ve got to get a feeling of inspiration. I’ve got to get some revelation. I’ve got to fast and pray and get the Lord to manifest to me whom I should marry.” Well, maybe it will be a little shock to you, but never in my life did I ever ask the Lord whom I ought to marry. It never occurred to me to ask him. I went out and found the girl I wanted; she suited me; I evaluated and weighed the proposition, and it just seemed a hundred percent to me as though this ought to be. Now, if I’d done things perfectly, I’d have done some counseling with the Lord, which I didn’t do; but all I did was pray to the Lord and ask for some guidance and direction in connection with the decision that I’d reached. A more perfect thing to have done would have been to counsel with him relative to the decision and get a spiritual confirmation that the conclusion, which I by my agency and faculties had arrived at, was the right one. . . . There’s a fine balance between agency and inspiration. We’re expected to do everything in our power and then to seek an answer from the Lord, a confirming seal that we’ve reached the right conclusion; and sometimes, happily, in addition, we get added truths and knowledge that we hadn’t even supposed. -- Elder Bruce R MocConkie, Angency or Inspiration?

I'll be honest, the responsibility I felt after reading those quotes was Immense. Of course there was at least one person I was seriously interested in when I heard it, and another I really cared about that was seriously interested in me, both of whom I could easily marry.  A fact which was causing me a lot of anguish. And I realized something -- GOD IS NOT GOING TO MAKE THAT DECISION FOR ME. Yes, He will help me not marry a jerk, but ultimately I have to Choose. I get to choose who I'm going to marry, you get to choose who you're going to marry, God hasn't made that decision for any of us.It's so freeing!

But freedom means work. And a lot of it. From the same talk listed above President Kimball said:

Marriage is perhaps the most vital of all the decisions and has the most far-reaching effects, for it has to do not only with immediate happiness, but also with eternal joys. It affects not only the two people involved, but also their families and particularly their children and their children’s children down through the many generations.

President Hinckley said:

Be worthy of the mate you choose. Respect him or her. Give encouragement to him or her. Love your companion with all your heart. This will be the most important decision of your life, the individual whom you marry.

God has trusted us to make that decision. It's "the most important decision of our lives" and He will guide us and direct us, but ultimately it's up to us.  Like everything else in this life it's a learning experience and in the end the decision is not made all at once, when he hands us a ring, but little by little all along the way.

A friend of mine recently returned from a mission and said the only advice her mission president gave her when she left was this: You marry who you date. You Marry. Who. You. Date. When you put a lot of time and energy into creating and strengthening a relationship with someone, you create and strengthen a relationship with that person. Go figure. And 9 times out of 10 you marry someone created and strengthened a strong relationship with. You marry who you date, you see? So be careful how you use your agency because by doing so you're making choices.

That's probably more than enough tautology for now, so I'll apply this back into the rest of life and create a beautiful set up for the last part of this series by ending with another quote from elder McConkie:

Use both agency and prayer. It is not, never has been, and never will be the design and purpose of the Lord—however much we seek him in prayer—to answer all our problems and concerns without struggle and effort on our part. This mortality is a probationary estate. In it we have our agency. We are being tested to see how we will respond in various situations; how we will decide issues; what course we will pursue while we are here walking, not by sight, but by faith. Hence, we are to solve our own problems and then to counsel with the Lord in prayer and receive a spiritual confirmation that our decisions are correct. (“Why the Lord Ordained Prayer,” Ensign, Jan. 1976, 11)

Grace is Not a Fail-Safe: or On Agency, Part the First

Life is a forge, and we are the metal: if we are to be strong and virtuous tools we must be placed in the fire and hammered until we cannot break.  Life is a loom and our journey is accomplished one thread at a time, line upon line, precept upon precept.  Our life is clay on a potter's wheel and we must shape it and reshape it until it is what we want it to be.

Awkward intro

I was (and probably still am) a Molly Mormon all through my teenage years, and I will be the first to admit that I often went to extremes in my efforts to follow God and keep the commandments. For example, at one point when I was about 12 I decided that wearing undershirts was evil because if the shirt wasn't high enough in the first place it was too suggestive and you shouldn't be wearing it.  I also wrote this small snippet about my opinion on flirting in a 7 page dissertation about my personal standards (no joke, it was 7 pages long. Single spaced.)

Flirting [my definition of which was basically just playful banter] Is one of the most selfish acts that one can commit, using someone you care about to gratify your own personal lusts under the pretense of love; It is heretical and blasphemous, it is an evil counterfeit for true love, as well as a tool of the devil's to desensitize, lead down the path to emotional, spiritual and physical desecration, and takes focus away from God, and things which are Good, therefore, it is below anything which a future Queen of Zion should participate in.

All this to say, I sincerely wanted to be good and do what I thought God wanted me to, but sometimes I didn't go about it in quite the right way, or I had funny notions about what God wanted me to do. Some of those notions I've only recently realized were wrong.

False Paradigms

I

Grace and Personal Responsibility

Whenever anything went wrong in my life I used to assume that it was meant to be that way. I thought that if I made a mistake, or was running late for a class that thing was supposed to happen because otherwise I would be smashed in a car crash on the way to my class, or that that mistake was supposed to be made because God wanted me to learn a lesson from it.  This paradigm, I'm sure, was naturally born from my fondness of looking on the bright side of things and trying to find the good in life, and even from my testimony that God is good and works miracles in our lives. I don't deny that God's workings are beyond my comprehension and that those kinds of miracles do happen, but the result of that way of thinking was that I ended up believing my whole life was predestined and planned for me.  That I didn't have to make any choices other than believing that God was in control.  It took a C. S. Lewis novel to make me realize I was living a lie.

In the his book, The Silver Chair, Jill made a mistake at the beginning of the book which set off a chain of events which resulted in their quest being much harder and much longer than it needed to be -- a fact which Aslan pointed out to her. Then throughout the journey she failed to follow the instructions Aslan had given her and she ended up not only endangering her life and the lives of those with her, but almost failing the quest he had sent her on.  Through out all of it Aslan was able to help make up for lost time and help her learn from her mistakes but she still had to suffer the consequences of her actions.

In his talk Personal Strength through the Atonement of Jesus Christ, Elder Scott told the story of the Strippling Warriors and said

Consider the tender feelings of those fathers [of the Strippling Warriors]. How must they have felt to know that the rebellious actions of their past prevented them from protecting  their wives and children at that moment of need? Knowing personally of the atrocities their sons would now face, they must have privately wept. Fathers, not children, are  supposed to protect their families! Their sorrows must have been intense. . .sometimes our poor choices leave us with long-term consequences. One of the vital steps to complete repentance is to bear the short- and long-term consequences of our past sins. Their past choices had exposed these Ammonite fathers to a carnal appetite that could again become a point of vulnerability that Satan would attempt to exploit.

Conclusion: Mistakes are real, I do actually make them, it's not all God's fault. God does actually expect us to bear the consequences of our actions and mistakes, but He does so to teach us to become like Him. God has given us agency, and we can't have agency without consequences.  Whenever we make a mistake, or choose to do something we know we shouldn't we still have to suffer the consequences of that mistake - grace is not a "fail-safe". We still loose blessings when we sin or fall. Grace is what allows that mistake or sin to be consecrated to our good through repentance, and what allows us to return to the presence of God despite human frailty. God is "a perfect just God, and a merciful God also."

Peanuts, Raisins, and Prospering in the Land - Another Missionary Email

05/17/2015

Yesterday I went to the temple to do baptism, but when I got there it was closed (turns out it's closed all month, but I didn't know this, and I haven't been since last month,) and I didn't really have time to go find another temple that was open, so I sat in the parking lot and read the Book of Mormon for a little bit.  This is kind of a side thought, but lately I've been making a distinction in my head between drinking living water and feasting on the words of Christ -- not a distinction based on anything doctrinal, just names I've been giving things in my head.  Whereas feasting involves active study, questioning, researching and purposely gaining new knowledge, drinking is a little less rigorous and involves immersing yourself in the Spirit and the beauty of the word, finding peace and solace from worldly care, and taking time to be still and know that God is there.  The two are not mutually exclusive, especially because good feasting usually involves drinking. 

       Anyway, yesterday at the temple I wanted to drink from the waters of life, and find comfort and direction about paying for and preparing for my mission. I read Alma 36, which is one of my favorites, and had the impression that 1) I need to start taking a mission prep class and go to institute, 2) that if I keep the commandments God will prosper me in the land. Impression 2 was very comforting because I've been working hard on following the promptings I've  received to set things in place to make money for my mission. I realized, too, that I've been doing things backwards by trying to figure out money and stuff before I put in my papers, instead of moving forward in faith and making the money meet the deadline God gives.

       Then today in sunday school my dad talked about a story my uncle Jamie told us while we were in CA last week. (I went to Chowchilla CA last week for my cousin's wedding. it was fantastic.)  My uncle went to Texas  a little bit ago to visit one of the church farms there (he manages the church vineyards in CA, so it was some sort of "business trip" or something) and was talking to one of the managers, who told him that several years  ago there was a peanut famine in Africa. In certain parts of Africa peanuts are to the natives like rice is to the Chinese, so having no peanuts meant a lot of them were going to starve. The red cross approached the church and asked them for, don't quote me on this but, I believe it was upwards of a million pounds of peanuts. That would have been all of the churches store of peanuts. The request went all of the way up to the prophet, who said to give it all to the Red Cross. So they did. Now, this peanut farm had been producing basically the same amount of peanuts for years, with the numbers barely varying, but the next year the peanut farm produced double what it had in past years, then went back to producing normally the next year. 

       Another time my uncle told us about how one year the vineyard in California had lost most of its fruit due to early rains, but the church had said they needed even more raisins that year than in years past. he told them he wouldn't be able to fill that order, but they told him it was God's order so he better. Well, the day before harvest there were hardly any grapes on the vines, but when he went out the next day there were literally grapes on the vines where there had been none the night before. They had exactly enough to fill the order.

       God has the power in this day and age to literally create where there was none before, and He does it on a regular basis for faithful members who serve Him. If you keep the commandments God can and will prosper you in the land, very literally. If we are willing to live the higher law and give everything we have to God He will give it back to us with more and to spare. If you keep the commandments of God you will prosper in the land.

Gay Marriage and Judicial Supremacy

On December 20, 2013 a Federal judge overturned Utah's constitutional ban on Gay Marriage, stating that it violated the 14^th amendment of the United States Constitution. This decision was made by a single judge, but it overturned the work and will of more than 1.5 million Utahns, and a decision made by the Supreme Court which dictates that the states have the power to define marriage within their own jurisdiction. The gay marriage debate is many-faceted and has raised many question, not the least of which is (1.) Who has the authority to decide whether homosexual couples should be allowed to marry, and (2.) What should be the ultimate decision.

The federal judiciary has become arguably the most powerful branch of government in our constitutional republic. The US Supreme Court ruled in Marbury v Madison, that the judiciary had the power of judicial review; that is, to review and rule on the constitutionality of laws passed by the legislatures, both Federal and State, in the United States. While this ruling provides an extra check on the legislative powers, especially of Congress, it expands the power of the judiciary and leaves it virtually unchecked.

The judiciary is meant to be as apolitical as possible, and so is appointed and ratified by elected officials (except in Nevada,) and is as unaccountable to to anyone as a government official can be. This process is in and of itself a necessary check on the Judiciary to ensure that justice is accomplished, unbiased by popular opinion; but it becomes a problem when the individual judges, especially in the higher courts, assume more power than they were given, or become activist judges; especially where now they currently not only have the power to adjudicate trials but to adjudicate whether a law itself is valid, and to create new law under the doctrine of Stare Decisis. The 10^th District Court has the authority to make the decision they did, but that authority was assumed by another court's interpretation of the constitution, not by the constitution itself.

Another reason the Federal courts have been involved in the legalities about gay marriage is because, according to the constitution, each state is required to give “full faith and credit” to the actions of the other states. This raises problems when two women legally marry in a state that allows homosexual marriages, then move to a state that doesn't, which subsequently won't grant them the same privileges and exemptions given to heterosexual couples in said state, or if the couple wants to get divorced in a state that doesn't recognize their marriage. Any case relating to Constitutional provisions is in the jurisdiction of the federal court, however the U.S. Supreme court recently affirmed that the states have jurisdiction to define marriage.

Marriage is a very personal agreement between individuals, and some question whether government should even be involved in the process in the first place. But the fact is they are, and they make a lot of money from it. So because the government is involved it is necessary for the government to define what marriage is. Traditionally Marriage has been defined as a union between a man and a woman, but until recently, that was really the only form of marriage that anyone in society cared to make, and some would argue that because society has changed so should the definition.

Which brings us to one of the major disagreements of both sides: what is the purpose of marriage? Proponents of Straight marriage say marriage between a man and a woman is a union formed and government sanctioned because it is the best for protecting and raising children. They also argue that there are a plethora of studies showing that the social and developmental needs of children are best served by having a mother and a father, and that when either of these are missing the children suffer. Opponents argue that not all straight couples are able to have children, and that if that is the definition of marriage than infertile and aged lovers shouldn't be allowed to marry, neither should single parents be allowed to raise children.

On the other hand proponents of Gay marriage say that marriage is a committed relationship between any two people who love and are attracted to each other, and that they have a fundamental

right to marry who they love, that is protected by the 14^th amendment to the constitution, states:

No state shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any state deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

And the they also claim that the Supreme Court's decision in Loving v Virginia (June 4^th, 1967) sets a precedent of equal protection for homosexual marriages. In the decision Justice Warren wrote:

Marriage is one of the "basic civil rights of man," fundamental to our very existence and survival.... To deny this fundamental freedom on so unsupportable a basis as the racial classifications embodied in these statutes, classifications so directly subversive of the principle of equality at the heart of the Fourteenth Amendment, is surely to deprive all the State's citizens of liberty without due process of law. The Fourteenth Amendment requires that the freedom of choice to marry not be restricted by invidious racial discrimination. Under our Constitution, the freedom to marry, or not marry, a person of another race resides with the individual and cannot be infringed by the State.

Opponents of this theory argue that this defines marriage solely by sexual fulfillment, and using this precedent to justify homosexual marriages leads to a host of unintended consequences.

One of the unintended consequences in this case is a group of stake holders that

often get overlooked: NAMBLA, or the North American Man/Boy Love Association, and other organizations like them. The state of Colorado recently legalized Civil Union for homosexual couples, which puts them on a status some of the same privileges as married couples, but not all. NAMBLA is considering suing the state for their right to a civil union between men and under-aged boys, legalizing statutory rape, so long as the man and boy loved each other. While pedophilia and other practices, such

as polygamy and bestiality, are abhorrent to today's society we must remember – argues the opposition – that so was homosexuality less than a hundred years ago; and if we redefine marriage to be a union of any two people who love and are attracted to each other, we essentially define marriage out of existence.

Because the issues surrounding the 10^th district court's overturning of Utah's Gay Marriage Ban are so varied, and so complex there is no simple solution. The Federal courts have jurisdiction over the matter because it's opponents claim it infringes on their constitutional rights, while the Supreme Court ruled that the states have jurisdiction to decide the issue. And the question of whether or not the ban should be upheld, regardless of who has jurisdiction, is just as difficult: people love each other and want to be married, why does anyone else have the right to tell them they can't be; yet at the same time the decision affects more than just those wishing to form homosexual relationships, including children and those who wish to form other kinds of relationships and unions.

Because the issue is so polarized, no matter what is decided someone is going to be hurt by the outcome. That being said, overall it seems that the least harm is done to society when the states are allowed to decide for themselves how to define marriage, while also finding a way to give full faith and credit to the marriages of other states. But if the activist judges in the federal courts continue stepping out of bounds, one possible solution is for the states themselves to keep asserting their powers by re-passing their legislation, or continuing to enforce it despite the court's ruling.

President Andrew Jackson wrote to John Coffee, after Georgia failed to comply with the supreme court decision in Worchester v Georgia, "...the decision of the Supreme Court has fell still born, and they find that they cannot coerce Georgia to yield to its mandate." He is also said to have declared “John Marshall has made his decision, now let him enforce it!” In other words, the courts have no executive powers, they have no armies and no police force to enforce their rulings. While the right to ignore the decision of federal courts is not explicitly granted in the constitution, neither is the court's right to judicial review, and it could provide an essential check to the nearly unchecked judicial branch.

In regards to what decision ought to be made, I will postulate that law is meant to be a reflection of what society values, and it would seem that society has a choice at this point to value the protection of children and traditional morality; or to value the right of adults, and possibly minors, to be sexually fulfilled in a government recognized relationship. While it may hurt certain adults feelings and deny them some of the benefits that traditionally married couples receive, it is in society's best interest to value morality over sexual gratification, and the protection of the institution which results in the best reared citizens and the propagation of its race, over the supposed right to have a government recognized relationship of your choice.

The Supreme court may have stated that “marriage is one of the fundamental rights of man,” but it also states that this is so because it is “fundamental to our very existence and survival.” Though the path may create ripples, and even be one going upstream, the best solution is for the state of Utah to assert its sovereign power and declare, in the best interest of society, that marriage is between a man and a woman.

Understanding the Character of God: Godless Jews on National Public Radio

March 24, 2014

I was listening to NPR this week, and this guy, who was a Jew but obviously only as a nationality and not as a religion. After listening to him for a couple minutes I just had to turn it of, because he was so anti-religion, and speaking irreverently about Christ; but before I turned it off he mentioned that in the Jewish tradition the Messiah wasn't expected to be a God. My initial reaction to this was "What!? What are you even saying? you're ridiculous." Then I thought about it for a minute and decided it may be a valid description of Jewish belief, after all, he is a Jew, and I'm not. So in my scripture study the next couple days I read up on some of the Old Testament prophecies about the Messiah. Lookingthrough some of the Messianic prophesies there is very little refference to the Messiah being a God, or the Son of GOd, and what is there for the most part is actually quite hidden, if you're not  reading it with the perspective already in mind that the Messiah was the Great Jehovah of the Old testament coming to earth to Atone for the sins of the world. It helped me understand why Isaiah and Jeremiah were continually lamenting about the blindness of the people, and the passages about how the Lord blinded them because of their wickedness - I didn't read all of the prophesies in the Old testament, but I did read a good handful, and the only one I found that explicitly referred to the Messiah as being a God was Isaiah 9:6. Shortly after that I was reading Abinadi's prophecies, as he talked about how the Son of God would come to suffer for the sins of the world, how salvation didn't come through the law of Moses, and that the law of Moses was given to point the people towards Christ. It was like I was reading those words for the first time, and understanding more the full import of what he was saying, and the context in which he was saying it.  It was so powerful.  It makes me want to go through the scriptures and just read all of the prophesies of Christ. 

I realized also, as I was reading the words of Abinadi that day, how truly remarkable, unique and powerful the Book of Mormon is in it's testimony of Christ: all of the prophets which have testified, have testified of coming of Christ and His Divinity, but none (at least that we have record of) so powerfully as those in the Book of Mormon. the Divine Sonship is first preached by Nephi. Nephi was exceedingly fond of plainness in prophesy, and prophesied  very clearly that the Messiah who was to come was the Son of God, coming to earth dwell in the flesh, and to Atone for our sins.  The Atonement, I've noticed, is another aspect - that even modern Christianity doesn't really understand - that the Book of Mormon testifies of so often and so clearly. I love the Book of Mormon, it is so beautiful and so powerful - I am so grateful for the precious truths it contains that otherwise would have been lost to the world. (Except through modern revelation, of course, but they both kind of came in the same package. :)  We take those truths for granted, though, especially the truth about Christ.  I am grateful I was able to see a little more of their significance this week, and I hope I can continue to do so.  And now that I think about it, I think most of what I've been doing as I've been studying to know the character of God is not learning new facts, just understanding the significance of what I've already been taught.

Moral of the story? Sometimes it's good to listen to atheistic Jews blaspheme on National Public Radio for a few minutes and challenge your beliefs, because it helps you see your beliefs in a new light.  Just kidding, the real moral of the story is that God is merciful and uses unexpected circumstances to help us draw closer to Him

Understanding the Character of God: Leaning on His Arm and Jacob 5

March 17, 2014

So I've been noticing this week how much writing weekly missionary emails has helped me grow spiritually.  It's so neat!  like I said before writing down and sharing my thoughts about the scriptures has helped me solidify my testimony, grow in my spiritual understanding, and feel the Spirit.  But even more than that I've started looking for spiritual experiences that I can share in my daily life, which has made me actually really look forward to writing every week. (Of course not every spiritual thought or experience makes it into my emails, but it's helped me make life a more spiritual experience.)  Also, a couple months ago I was particularly depressed that all of my friends were gone, and I wouldn't be able to be friends with them in the same way for another year or two; after a while though, I realized that I had an opportunity to strengthen my friendships with those serving missions in a way that's not really possible otherwise, and be blessed for it.  This is definitely part of that. Thank you for being on a mission, and thank you for writing to me and letting me write to you! [ Editor's note: Again, not exactly thoughts about the character of God, but I thought including a plug for writing missionaries was totally appropriate :D]

I have not been as diligent in reading my scriptures this week, though, so I haven't had as many insights, but I did have one really cool experience I wanted to share.

Before one of my Mock Trials Sam pulled me aside and warned me that the coach of our opposing team the next day was jerk and not to let him get to me, along with some other stuff. I don't get scared that often, but I was kind of scared after he told me that.  I had already been feeling very self-conscious about how young I was, how little I knew, and how new I was to coaching. I felt so little. I felt so alone. In addition to that I've always hated direct conflict - 9 times out 10 I will just deffer to the other person to avoid any kind of conflict - and I'm not good at standing up for myself; but it wasn't just myself I would be needing to stand up for, it would be my team - which would mean I would have to engage in the conflict because the wronged party would be someone other than me, someone that I had a particular stewardship over - but I still didn't know if I could do it. It sounds pathetic, I know, but I was scared.  The next morning before the trial I carved out some time to read the scriptures, and as I read I saw a mental image of myself leaning on God's arm - as I was leaning not only was His arm supporting me, it was protecting me, too. Then I remember the scriptures "Cursed is he that putteth his trust in man, or maketh flesh his arm," "but for all this His arm is stretched out still," and the like. As I indulged and followed that image I felt safe.  It didn't matter anymore if I wasn't strong enough on my own to face the coach that was a jerk. It didn't matter if I was little, or inexperienced. And I wasn't alone - I had the God of all creation supporting me, and He will never leave me alone.  I realized that we are all children in God's eyes, He is our Father; and it's perfectly okay to feel, or even be inadequate, childlike, and uncertain. In fact we're supposed to become as little children, to be humble enough to recognize our need for Him, to lean on His arm, and to let Him guide us.  I felt God's love so strong, like I could feel His arm around me, and I was comforted. He will not leave us comfortless.

This experience also helped me understand in a new way the scripture that says "We have known and believed the love that God hath for us. God is love; he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in Him...There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment in it. He that feareth hath not been made perfect in love." (1 John 4:16-18. I love the whole chapter, it's one of my favorites. I had a lot of it memorize at one point.)

I love how that scripture applies to daily life, too (like walking around downtown Salt Lake.)  If you love people and recognize them as God's children there is no reason to be afraid of them - cautious in certain circumstances, but not afraid.

March 10, 2014

 I think Jacob 5 is one of my favorite chapters in the whole book of Mormon. I love it so much, I think it teaches so beautifully and clearly the tenderness of God's relationship with man.

Understanding the Character of God: Turning Our Hearts, Priesthood Blessings, and Sharing My Testimony

March 3, 2014

The first thing I want to mention is that I figured out, partly from the letter I wrote last week, that if I want to have grand spiritual experiences learning the principles of the gospel, or the character of God I have to write my thought about the subject down or share them with other people. I kind of figured this would be the case, but now I know for sure.  And it's not really a whole bunch of grand spiritual experiences, it's a process where the Spirit slowly saturates your life over time as you continue to consistently read, write, and pray. Which I also already knew, but forgot to apply to this situation. Isn't it funny how that happens?  I feel like that happens to me all the time - I know the answers, I just assume they don't apply to me, or in this circumstance, or because of some fact or other. Well, they do. Principles are principles, and truth is not esoteric.

Anyway, because I've been consistently reading, marking, and writing my thoughts about the Book of Mormon I have been so full of love and beautiful contentment this past week.  For the last several months I haven't been enjoying teaching, and I've been irritated at all of my students - I've also been super stressed, and getting worn out super fast - but this week, I'm pretty sure because I've been making a focused effort to come closer to God through my scripture study - I've felt so much love for all of my students, and for everyone I'm with, and I've been so much happier, and I haven't felt completely dead or unsatisfied at the end of every day. 

I've also been visiting my great Aunt Alice regularly do work on family history stuff, and I'm pretty sure that has contributed to it, too. I always feel the Spirit so strong when I'm at her home. She has so much love for everyone, and for God, she's so inspiring.  I love listening to her stories and learning from her. There are so many things we can learn from the elderly; talking to my aunt has widened my view of mortality immeasurably, and really helped me to refocus on the things that matter. There are so many things that she was once able to do that she can't any more, and it's very frustrating to her; she's had several brain surgeries so her memory and ability to express herself clearly have been greatly decreased - which she greatly laments - but still she tells me how good her life is and how greatly she is blessed; and still I see her cheering up all the other ladies in their little elderly community with her kind words. Any time any of the other ladies see me with her they make it a point to come tell me what an amazing, loving person my aunt Alice is.  I have come to love her so much in the small time I've been getting to know her. I was named after her, and anytime I visit her , or even think about her, I think of the scripture in Helaman 10, where Nephi is telling his sons that he named them after Lehi and Nephi so that "when you remember your names ye may remember them; and when ye remember them ye may remember their works; and when ye remember their works ye may know how that it is said, and written, that they were good."  And it makes me want to be like her. [Editors note: this part isn't strictly about the character of God, but visiting with my aunt has helped me learn of the goodness of God. Visiting elderly relatives is such an amazing blessing. If you have relatives remotely close to you VISIT THEM. Turn your hearts to your "fathers" so God doesn't smite us all with a curse! Ask them about their childhood - it will be just as much a blessing to you as it is to them, I promise.]

Another thought: tonight my dad asked my Grandpa for a blessing for guidance in some things he is working on and it occurred to me - another one of those facts that I always knew, but forgot I knew - that priesthood blessings literally are someone speaking for God, saying the words He gives them to say.  We have access to direct and exceedingly specific personal revelation from God, right in our home. 

After my dad got a blessing a couple of my other siblings wanted blessings, too, and so did I.  The counsel and blessing the were given to me tonight were almost all things that I had felt impressed about, or promptings I'd received in the past month or two. Which made me realize, again something I already knew but hadn't understood as fully, that I have direct access to exceedingly specific personal revelation from God, when ever I am worthy of the companionship of the Holy Ghost, and willing/able to listen. 

That is a tremendous blessing, and no one outside this church has it. We are so blessed, and I wish everyone could have that privilege in their lives to bless and help them as it's blessed and helped me. It is literally a saving grace.